All you have to do is look around at our fair nation, the facts are everywhere. Violent crime is up, regular crime is up, murder is up, school shootings are up, godlessness and divorce is up. There is a cancer eating away at America, and as any geologist will tell you, the only way to kill a snake is to chop it off at the head.

Corruption isn’t just a special ability in Starcraft 2.

Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat is a fictional movie based on a series of books by Andrew Lloyd Webber, and is the major driving force behind the collapse of the domino known as traditional marriage. And as has been proven, when one domino falls, another can’t be far behind.

Where is the smoke coming from? From my time as an urban cop I can tell you the awnser is a meth lab

Sound shocking dear reader? Then read on to see how this filth is destroying our once great nation.

The year is “way way back, many centuries ago, not long after the bible began, Jacob lived in the land of Canaan, a fine of example of a family man.” Woah! Stop right there, the lyrics have just told us Jacob is a “family man”, but guess what happens just a scant few lines (or should I say lies) later. “He was also known as Israel but of the time his sons and his wives used to call him dad”. Ignoring the obvious terrorist connections in the first line of that sentence, the second part; “his sons and his WIVES”, yes, that’s right; Jacob has more than one wife. If you are not shocked that a CHILDRENS MOVIE would describe a polygamist as a FAMILY MAN then you are directly responsible for the decline of western civilization.

“A remarkable family if there ever was one indeed!”

Moving on, Jacob had a frakload of sons, but here is where things go off the rails of decency once again, Joseph, the youngest, is described as Jacobs’s favourite son. Now, I know that every father with more than one son has a favourite, its simple math. But you never admit it! Once again dear reader, this guy has been described as a FAMILY MAN. A family of heathens no doubt!

Now we come to the next song.

Wow, what a kick in the face if you were one of the other brothers/wives. What kind of father openly sings that he never really loved his wives except for the dead one, and to top it off, his favourite son was the one that reminded him of her. God damn!

the heroes

Once again, this is a children’s movie! Now we’re saying that this model family has some sort of cruel class system?! That 12/13 of the brothers were second best!? Does the depravity in this film know no end? The brothers then go on to sing

Despite the suspect rhyming, I think the brothers opinion is totally justified. But it doesn’t even end here. The blatant favouritism continues in one of the most sickening displays I have ever witnessed.

TOTALLY JUSTIFIED

So, let’s recap. Jacob is described as being a model family man. Yet his family includes multiple wives, and he openly describes his sons as being “second best” when compared to Joseph, whom he lavishes with praise and gifts, and to top it all off, gives him a coat that “would make a king stop and stare”.

Of course, I suppose this might be somewhat justified if Joseph was a really great guy, if he was a noble spirit, whose honesty and noble-ness were known throughout the lands, maybe, just maybe I could understand why he was given such special attention. But what is the first thing he says when he received his coat? Was it “thank you”? Was it “I’m so grateful!”? No, it was

Who the hell does he think he is? What kind of inconsiderate jerk do you have to be to describe yourself as a walking work of art? I can’t fathom how anyone could be so self-absorbed, without first being a member of the modding community.

Now every man has a breaking point, and Joseph’s brothers were no exception. After getting his stupid coat, Joseph sang a song, wherein he described a dream he had. First off, nobody cares about someone else’s dreams, unless they’re super interesting and involve volcanoes. However, not only is his dream boring as frak, but he finds a way to once again insult his brothers, who have been pretty frakkin’ tolerate up to this point.

I have this dream all the time but I don't tell everybody about it.

Can you imagine going to your school or workplace and telling your associates you had a dream that they all sucked and you were perfect? They would beat you up, and be right to do so.

After this stunning display of arrogance, the brothers enact a plan to get rid of Joseph, selling him into slavery and faking his death. Now, I don’t want to defend slavery, but hard labour never did anything but build character.

So, the brothers return home to Jacob, and explain that Joseph was killed in a brutal terrorist attack. At this point, he leaves in grief and the brothers and wives burst into an upbeat country western song. Yes, you read right, the wives celebrated too. Literally every member of his family except Jacob hated Joseph’s guts. Had this actually been a children’s movie, it would have ended here. That evil jerk Joseph would have been defeated, and the brothers would have gotten their reward.

A family mourns

But no, the story doesn’t end here. After a brief orgy (once again this is a children’s movie) Joseph ends up in jail with some gay guys.

This is actually in the movie don't report me to the forum admin you guys

Now, apart from that brief thing about Joseph having a dream about corn, which as of this point in the film, has not come true, we have no reason to believe that Joseph has any special talent for interpreting dreams. In fact, you could say the opposite of what he says comes true as his metaphorical stalk of corn is now in jail. Nevertheless, Joseph is such a huge jerk, that he delivers his interpretation of the gay guys’ dreams, and informing them of their fates.

One of them says he had a dream about giving wine to the pharaoh, while the other says he baked some bread. On this “evidence” alone, Joseph declares that one of them will be executed, and one will be freed. So that’s a pretty big downer but you’d never know it from the way they burst into song right after.

You're sentenced to death by firing squad but its okay cause I become Secretary of the Interior!

Now, it’s at this point in the film that Joseph transforms from a minor jerkface into a megalomaniac, scheming and manipulating his way into power.

Pharaoh has a dream about some cows, and for some reason decides to ask a prisoner to interpret them. A reminder, AT THIS POINT IN THE FILM, NOTHING JOSEPH HAS SAID HAS COME TRUE. Even without a single correct prediction to his name, Joseph tells the Pharaoh that a famine is coming. And they will need a strong government official to lead them through this impending crisis.

Wow, thanks for the fake modesty there you jerk. And so, Joseph manages to scam his way into becoming a high ranking Egyptian official. I would also like to point out at this time, that upon gaining his new status, he makes no effort to save the man he met in jail who was supposedly going to be executed.

So Joseph enacts a policy of rationing all the food in Egypt and surprise surprise, the famine is averted. WELL GUESS WHAT YOU IDIOTS. IF YOU SPEND 7 YEARS STOCKPILING FOOD THERES PROBABLY GOING TO BE NO FOOD SHORTAGE.

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